一个星期的《忍》

想你想了一个星期，干脆不要信息你，不要找你，然后自己玩失踪
然后就自己虐待自己的感觉，那感觉就是..
就是，ERM... 怎么说的呢？
就像，就像特地不让大便出来，忍一个星期（有点恶心）

别人都是怎么说的呢？
现实和小说和电影，都会有差异
小说和电影都是安排好的情节，然后浪漫的演一场戏
而现实就是临场表演，没剧本，没排练
若我说我能做到，你信不信？
除了，一些真的很意外，没有算到的东西，那就真的不一样了

男人嘛，都很少讲什么礼节
俗话说，“男人可以缺礼节，就是不能缺细节” （其实我乱说的）
那么你又看到多少我精心为你准备的细节？（其实我在想，大部分都是我说了给你听，剩下小部分就你慢慢看吧）

白头发又多了几根吧！
幸好我的头发短，不显眼
其实我真的很想给我自己一巴掌（即使你不给我）

以下是我自言自语：
“LAN 什么神秘啦！什么不能说的秘密！
然后还要给人家等你等一个星期，什么都不跟人家讲！等下人家真的哭了怎么办？！”

好吧，真的诚心跟你说声“对不起，下次不敢了。”（最多下次不要一个礼拜，三天就好，不然以后新闻报纸头条写《想念到死》这个标题）

真的是拿命来玩
万一我见到你一下心脏负荷不了，内疚到死，暴毙，挂了，那时，候场面应该会有点壮观

就好象剧本写的什么患有绝症，就剩下3分钟命，然后用尽全力跑去她家，告诉她有的没的，然后配点忧伤的音乐，明明剩下3分钟命，却可以撑到9分钟，可能这是爱的力量吧！

某些时段，在我们没有谈话时，我陷入冥想
因为我终于找到我要的线索！
可是还不能说，因为还没凑齐线索（LAN 福尔摩斯的 PATTERN）

一切在我预料当中，除了特殊意外（比如，没有扫我一巴掌）
剩下的让当事人，自己收着就好，不必公布太多（真的有点不像我的风格，因为我提倡媒体自由）

#原来我的摄影技术终于到另一个境界了！不必DSLR都可以拍那么帅的风景照！#

Heart Stop A Moment

Dropping down in a space time that endless boundary.

A chess game that don't how to make a next step.

Talking to the moon at lease it will reply you under the light.

Writing a script that stuck in a chapter that you can't tell more.

The feelings that I have is up on there

Nothing.

Perhaps I should be more loyalty to my feelings.

Although, her acting not I'm expected, doesn't mean she don't care me.

Day by day, maybe some day we'll find out there have boundary between us, make the next step, moon light will be our witness, the story will go through the wonderland that we never seen before.

#Today, I suppose at NILAI station stop, then I over slept. The train straight to LABU station, I stopped there and change train back to NILAI. When I was walking up to the sky bridge, a beautiful morning sky get my attention. I took it down with my phone and wanted share it. Heart stop when the moment I catch this picture, it was too beautiful. Non of any effect added.#

Sunshine

That day for me not just the movie, but you. The day I have is living 20 years from now is the most wonderful day of my life. Same thought, same conversation type, all day synchronize together. Just like that, happen smoothly all the time and end with a goodbye kisses. Sorry, I just too OLD SCHOOL style person. Took KTM to mall and meet her, bought her healthy breakfast, and leave a unclear relationship with her. After finishing the date with her, I was at KTM station and then on the train keep smiling whole day long. NON-STOP SMILING.

How dare I go to kiss a girl that I never dream before? Just because she beautiful? No, it is more than that, more than the right feel coming and do what my feels tell me. At start, I was consider take a step back and not to do that to my best friend. Until the choosing option comes, my inside tell me "Kiss her BA". The stupid thing is I stepped her foot when kissing her! OMG! STUPID ME! DAMN STUPID! 

Other than that, the sweet was on high level for me, but I don't know will she also same feel as me. Seriously I'm not a playboy or else, like I say, I'm OLD SCHOOL style person. When I was a kid, oh well, is when I was Form 4,  my mentor tells me that I will not be a good LOVER, but he can sure that I will be a great HUSBAND. Well, the mentor she also know it, call 郑添福. 

So, when I started to miss a girl? 

Sometimes you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.

-- The priest in MAN OF STEEL.

Slow & Steady & Something

These day are tough, I mean mentally goes very tough. Keep calm and pretend, I'm good for it. All the time you are hang on my mind. Subconscious of my are strong, all are storing our laugher, our time, our memory are preciousness for me. I will suddenly wake it just because I dream about you and I having a relationship together, wake up just because I thought it become TRUE, wanna wake up and see you. But because of that , I seem so hunger for your attention, sometime a phone call, you can made my day.

Searching day by day, realize I not just want to be a best friend maybe? Maybe something more then it? Am I too greed between our relationship? Question come toward my mind always. Nearly, you started not to reply my message, am I too sensitive for it? I try to persuade myself that maybe you are busying something, or else, sometime even think about you going to hospital again. So I try to wait you text me back, an hour, quarter hour, slept for it, next day still no any reply for it. Perhaps, WeChat will breakdown sometime?

Knew you just started to live alone, and without a relationship again. I try to not ask about what happen you both, because I know it will hurt, damn hurt. So I want to meet you again like you never have a relationship before, know a brand new YOU. Past is a tenses, like you past a beautiful landscape, later you just only can remind it in your mind, if can't remind it, let it past, everyday world change, so do natural change, next landscape will more beautiful. Seem so easy, but I was prison by my Ex relationship almost 4 years. Hope you will get through this.

I can't give any promises to you, but as long as we together, I will share all the happiness and laugher to you, introduce more my life style to you. Time can be a judge, to judge how I treat you. 

Maybe someday we will meet together just like a friend, but lover.

naoj okim rof rettel A

说不出的话，该怎么说
低调地说出来，还是震撼的告诉你？
一直以来我都认为你是很简单的一个人
但实际上你不是，但我还是装单纯，装无知

复杂的关系
令到我现在不知道怎样面对你
可能是我自己拿来的吧
当初不乱乱来就没事了
但是我还是很喜欢那时候我们经历过的关系

没法子
自从换了环境的我
现在完全不同了
一直想逗你笑，然后我们一起笑到天翻地覆
火若不加材，冷风一吹，灭了
可能我太敏感，或是想太多吧
那令人费解的解释，我要怎样写呢？
那就看你是否耐心地看完吧

不知何时
我真的感觉到自己在恋爱中
可能真的过火了吧
真的玩到火
自己伤了
才知道原来我不应该去碰
但我还是掩饰着，把本来的那段有过的暧昧关系慢慢淡掉
我依然还活着

然后直到你告诉我你出事了
好吧
说真的我很担心
但却又帮不上忙
不想过分的关心你
那几天都想信息你，但被你的话，停下了手

然后每次信息你却没回
都是我一个人独角戏，虽然偶尔会失落，但我很享受
因为能和一个人分享自己的东西是一件很快乐的事情

Youth Camp 8th 当天
你告诉我
你心碎的事
在第一次你打给我的时候
我已经感觉到磁场原力的不平衡了（吹水）
我开始在想排除所有问题剩下的再不可能，或则很难理解的都会是答案（再次吹水）
当我打回给你时，你的电话打不通，我开始在担心
你会不会做傻事，毕竟真的很不容易
电话通了，我一直想做的事情就是和你保持通话
知道你只需要一个人陪你，不说话，静静的陪你就好
真的好心痛，心痛到不知道该怎样好
很想在这个时候给你一个深深的拥抱
没有任何关系的拥抱

当天我坚持每个小时信息你一封信，就算是很忙
可能是我白担心
我相信
理智的你
不会为了一个不再爱你的人去做任何伤自己的事
毕竟爱自己多一些吧！

其实
有时候聊天室上有几百人
但只是找你聊天
虽然你不是第一个
但
我只希望可以回到那段我们最美好，最搞笑的时光

困扰一个月

到底是什么事情那么令人困扰
有没有一个程序能让我写写？
让我不去想别的事情
专心的
好好的
做我应该做的事情

一个月了
好吧
还有3天就一个月没写博客了
有点不像我的风格
照片也少上载了
可能真的很想消失一阵子
不想被人找到

现在有点压抑
压抑到忘了解放而把心情往下吞
_________________________________________________________________________________

两天前
写了上面那些
两天后的我
看回两天前的我
似乎没什么改变
还是一样

原来改变不是一天两天的事情
但有些人能说变就变
则有些人要他变，也变不了
原因不是因为没行动
而是行动了
心没动

刚看完一本关于爱情治疗的书
好吧
你可能觉得有那么严重吗？
需要EMO到这样？

不，不是EMO的问题
而是现代爱情观的问题

读完了那本书
发现到
那么久了
原来我还停留在那段时空的记忆
没走出的阴影，还徘徊在她的回忆里
书里的指示，说真的我没完全照做
但，发现到，原来一个人有很多段感情是一件很可悲的事情
因为他学不会去爱人
一直重复在同样的错误
即使不同样，也有相似

当你说再见的时候
你是怎么说的？
“再见了” “永别了”
然后？
有加一个“我爱你”吗？
如果有
那么你是永远都在一个循环世界里
找不到你要的路

有一天
我尝试不说“再见了，我爱你”
发现
原来真的好难好难，而且很痛苦
你会很想说我爱你，真的很想说
但却又想要放下这个包袱，而不说
最后你还是说了，但你没能放下这个包袱

就好象要你戒毒
可是你戒不了
因为你上瘾了
把这原本拿来回味的记忆，变成了你的海洛英
为的是什么？
减轻痛楚，压力
————————————————————————————————————————

“听说你要结婚了”
“哦？是吗？你怎么知道的？”
“他向你求婚那天，我刚好也在场”
“。。。。”



接下来
你想到什么？
祝福？
不
暂时我还做不到
因为
我的心还在跳动着

真

继续欺骗自己
继续欺骗
继续

明明知道是个谎言
明明知道
明明

还是要选择相信
还是要选择
还是要

怎么样才能证明不是个谎言
怎样才能证明
怎样才能
怎样

或许不需要去证明
是个事实还是个谎言
因为你太认真了去相信
到最后受伤了没人会关心

你太认真了
你太天真了
被遗忘了太久
真实的感觉才能让你安慰
但同时会让你感觉到真的痛

Just

Just.. to be straight to me
Just.. to be honest to me
Just.. tell me when you don't need me
Just.. tell me when you busy of something
Just.. don't let me wait there like a stupid
Just.. don't leave me alone when I need you
Just.. don't leave without a word
Just.. give me a reason

Today, I thought I have a date with you
Today, I wait until now still haven't any sound of you
Today, I bring hope when wake, hope our date still on
but I think too much
but I think too much
but I think too much

Just food around with me and tell me

Just EAT

对不起，玩不起

对不起，身体

我是那么的不爱惜你

为了功课，我牺牲了你

将来我一定好好的补偿你

对不起，心脏

我是那么的不爱惜你

为了爱情，我牺牲了你

要怎么去补偿你

我还真的不知道

对不起，脑袋

我是那么的不爱惜你

为了思考，我牺牲了你

用你我从来没想过

没让你休息，是我的过错

感情

原来玩不起的是我

在乎的是我

假的来得太真

真的却不相信

明知道，前方没路

就是硬要走

可能这是性格的关系

低调

卑微

不在意

独自

伤心

却坚持

感情

原来

玩不起

继续

下去

懂抽离

Random Life Hold On

End of the March
Start from the April Fool

End of the day
Start from the breaking dawn

Ending gave people felt sad, moody, hopeless
Starting gave people felt new, fresh, beginning
Also
Maybe
Ending gave you feel freedom
Starting gave you feel fear

How about love?
Learn about loving somebody that you not use to think about he/she
Random things comes what are you gonna to hold?
Hold what you can hold now
be treasure to who love you, care about you
because you never know tomorrow what will happen to you
that's the point and reason how the way you learn to love somebody

Long time no blogging
to me
is good
why?
because now I feels fantastic of my life
hate, emo, think too much all gone
Now my target is to build my basic to the IT specialist path
Then I will build an AI to help me
Later build in a house with AI
Something like you watch IRON MAN got an AI computer call Jarvis

I'll try my best to do it
but now focus on my basic

Ask me fall in love with somebody?
Ya
I feel I already fall in love with you

May
I
Kiss
On

Jow
Oath
And
Necklace

Random writing name.. :P