The Last Long Breaking Point

November
Raining month
Cold and damp
and miss somebody like rain

When I started to talk
You shut me up with my annoying reason
I did try, but 3 years of cold shoulder I think that is enough
People said :"At least you both try to work out but somehow not meant to be have a better relationship."
I tried, broke your walls, but you built it higher
I tried to throw the balls to you, but you never throw back
I tried to do accept who you in love with, but it making more crazy than ever
Every time I thought that is the window for me walk in your life with different relation
But you loved someone else

The other day I asked myself, do I really love you?
or just I never give up?
or because I wanted you in my life?
Like what people say about LOVE
and I found my answer

I crazy in love with your flaws
When you upset, I want to cheer you up
When you fear, I will give you courage
When you mad, I listen why you mad about
When you disgust, that is my fault and my job to let you feel embrace again

I've got nothing to say
Just
Anything doesn't make sense without you



Sorry, I reach my breaking point.

Cure not poison

For me
The ultimate cure in this world is
When you talk to me

It cure every mood of mine
It cure every sadness of mine
It cure every inner dark side of me

Negatives to positives
You are the cure
Not the poison I addicted to

朋友的问题

其实这几个月
自己的焦虑与忧伤的情况有好转
没像以前那么还放不开
偶尔的寂寞还是会
但还是能用其他事情转移不安的情感
每一次的博客更新让我自己检讨
其实也不是一件坏事

其实我还蛮讨厌别人一直说她的坏话
能说她的坏话也只有我有这个权利
但我觉得我身边很亲近的朋友都已经彻底放弃我了
完全不了解我的作风
而我也不在乎别人了解
因为这是对自己的诚实
自己的心不需要别人来指指点点
自己的感觉不需要别人的指使
自己的感觉要对自己诚实

我只想对她说一句
你是我的人，你要不要和我的朋友交朋友是你权利，我也没有逼你和我的朋友交朋友或是我叫我的朋友和你交朋友。若是不和，搭不上话，那么跟我的朋友就做一个一面之交的朋友就好。我相信你交朋友的质量。

但
其实有时候觉得
彻底离开她
她会想念你
她会想跟你说话
她会不想和你结束话题
她很想跟你出去
她想给你好的
她想你留下

反而离开她的人成了她最想要的人
而离不开的人成了她能依靠的人

一些感想

我要告诉你一个事实
就是《我的少女时代》很好看
我很喜欢全部的造型和场景设计
真心喜欢这部电影
但是唯一的遗憾就是
给我冲击的泪点完全不够
不能哭个痛快
要怪就怪我吧！
缺乏那些中学时期的回忆
缺乏初恋那种感觉
要不然就是全忘了
哈哈

当徐太宇推林真心的那一幕
他们在笑我却眼睛湿湿的
剩下的我只是感同身受罢了
可能就觉得
那种为自己喜欢的人搏命
很正常啊！
然后就觉得徐太宇跟我的作风很像
只是这些我都没在中学时期做过

剩下的
也有的是满满的感动
然后就是
宋芸桦
换个装
然后就是美爆了

Glasses.

Every time we talk, I always take away my glasses. 

Glasses make me feels like I'm judging.

Feels like I need glasses to see clearly of a person. 

When the moment I take it away

I saw more clear that I usually have.

Realize, I don't need glasses make a clearer path for me.

She is in front of me and I glad I found her.

Photograph

I always be the one who photo shoot.

Who never been in my own photograph, or others.

I want make it with you, together

we in the same photo

holding each other hands kissed under the sunset.

Reluctant

This feeling I never had when I crush on you.

Until recent day, when I look at you. 

One craziest thought I never know I would want desperately.

To kiss your lips.

Space & Time

I have a dream last night. To be specific is Oct 3. Non of the dream that can make me continue after I wake up to confirm I am asleep and dreaming.

The dream was so real until I fall into it; feel and live into it. 

I did so many thing in that dream. So far I know it's been awhile since I do those things. 

People would say:"Maybe it's just you desperately want that, so your brain fool you with your dream." 

But I'm not. I mean I already let it go; let it flows away. 

Until she gave an message impact. 

I never thought about she opened that note at this moment. 

I never thought about it she would open at all. 

And never thought she take a picture and send it to me. 

It just gave me the impact of complicated feelings I didn't aware and I bring into sleep. 

I remember I watching her collapse; watching her cried so hard that can't catch a breath; watching her fall asleep. 

Now, I wonder.

Because something just not words can describe.

Now, I don't ask what we are. 

Because it just meaningless to ask. 

But if we still have unknown in the universe, then how would be us to understand love in rational way? 

Love, is beyond space and time.

I love the parallel universe concept, it gave me think about the choices we did made and we didn't made.

Midnight rush

I'm not insomnia, I'm just too tired to sleep.
Feeling so weak now, eyes want to close but I don't let it.
So cruel that I treat myself like that.
No.
It's not cruel at all.
What I chosen, what I shall live with it.
Like a Pandora box.
Sleep. And I going to. Now.

Reboot@Ending

After several months I abandon this blogger and stop writing about how I feel. Yeah, I'm back. Maybe after this I will more seldom update this blog. What can I update seriously? Question asking? I think that will do.

How recent life?
Well, I must say before new semester start I was lazy like hell. Eat sleep play repeat. But before last semester break start, I follow Selangor Chinese football team won the MCFA with championship. It's kinda a huge achievement in Malaysia Chinese football career. Once in a life time, I'm very grateful that my friends come and support. Coaches gave me the early chance to bring team qualify the group stage. After that, I myself form a team go of a MCA futsal tournament. We qualify the group but stop at quarter final. It's a good experience, I never play futsal tournament before.

Now new semester start, knowing I have fail one of the subject from last semester. It's kinda sad, because it is on pending, maybe fail maybe not, so it's killing me, all is well. This semester all of the subject is my favorite, and I hunger for good result, true and a must.

How love life?
Hmm.. This is tough question, since past event happened I think I still in the aftermath. But good to let you know my life become more easier than before. I mean I change the way that used to be. I keep myself a part. How about hers? Maybe she doesn't deserves at all like my friend said, but I keep a part of her too. Maybe the feeling will fade away when time goes by.

FYI, I kinda love the single and didn't have anyone to crush on feels. I never felt so relieve before.

How family?
Not good. I think really not that good. Family now going thought hard time. I try everything I can to support the situation now. Devastated. That what I can say for now.

I think that all. What I can want more when I have bunch of friend DotA with me at night time?  Or discover a lot of Space documentary and physic theory for my further knowledge? Or kinda lot of series waiting me to watch: Arrow, Flash, Gotham, The Walking Dead and Big Bang Theory. Maybe sometimes re- watch previous season for waiting new season coming.

Goodnight, world.