Recent up to date.

It was a long time since the last post. Blogger always be the best method I can release all the feelings I have. Comfortable should I say? The past few weeks, I kept all the feelings inside of me, sometimes in the late night, in a dark room, I sleep on the bed and tears out alone; sometimes I need to thank you my friends being so nice patiently listening all my same old story, all did make me feels better.

How deep is a people heart? Deep enough to hide the real you? or it just an illusion? I love to watch beautiful things, good looking people, but now, I lost my appetite to these. I just wanna look and find out what the behind of this thing or people. The true side, maybe bad; maybe good. The conflict of my deep heart never been peace.

And now, there are nothing to let me believe anymore. I lost my belief, even though people are encourage or some self motivate books told me never give up, but I did. Now, I just believe what I saw and what people done to me. That is the most real thing I ever had. The talk-only friendship, just talk-only friendship, and I don't need them. I'm a giver, but once I found out, it never came back for me, I think it's time let it go. Luckily, most of it will come back. Saddest is, your high hope of a person you thought special will return back, but not.

But not.

And, I'm just one of the pawn on your chessboard.

But that's alright if you win the chessboard game.

At least, you won.

It won't hurt.

Sometimes, it's so true that I know it hurts, but still die trying.

Why?

It is not about worthy.
It just before I lose you, I'll try anything make you feel me.
And now you'll see.
What I previous talk about losing you.
Just not simple as you thought about "You may afraid can't get me, but you'll never lose me." before.

Now I don't try ask for more.
Now I just pleased what I have that everyone gave me.
My friends, my teammates, my family, even from you.

But one thing I must say.
A true facts: I really happy when I spend a lot of time be with you and always happy to see you every time. Anytime in this universe, as long as with you.