Wednesday, September 18, 2013

A Friendship Letter

Dear Junkid,

Once, there was a man who are always silent when people talking about popular things. But he'll find out himself what happen about those people conversation. He keep this silent until he know when he can get it into and makes conversation more interesting. I guess he have social phobia, but in a certain way, he was a main source of joy and happiness on the crowd. Why?

When I was 14 years old, I met him with a funny way. Year and year past by, I seem really not looking closely to him. 7 years, we met when the semester going to break, that was a short period for us and give me a very deep reminder. Times and times goes by, we seem just to met when football training. But I didn't notice that.

The last of the year comes, finally we meet in a certain ways. The way I didn't except too much. But, day by days goes by, our conversation become more fantastic, and it just not more than a conversation anymore. I just used to be find you when I online Facebook, I guess, your are the only friend that I chat most of the time, although I'm always be the stupid one in our conversation.

We just not met each other everyday, or hangout together, but somehow I seem quite feels like you not a stranger when I meet the real person of you. I guess you real as same as in the chat box you. Things those share to me, correct my spelling, have a fight on conversation, these are the reason I always love it when we have a chat.

In the meantime, you such as asshole while chatting with you. But I love it. Weird huh? But nevermind, is okay. I just hated people pretend their true speaking their mind, and in the end say I'm not good enough to know them well.

The truth is, I will fucking miss you, but also I'll not. Okay, I admit it, I really miss you if you not going to find me chat anymore.

So, these are the true mind speaking of me. Travel safe my dear. Come back at lease one a year you this asshole.

Love and Friend 

Monday, September 16, 2013

A little conversation to myself

Why do I start?
Why do I think?
Why do I stare?
Tell me.
I feels like wired and sometimes I don't understand myself any more. I feels like I'm transforming now, transform to another person I felt strange and unreadable. Social phobia? But I don't afraid of communicate with people I guess I'm lack of confident to talk to someone else with open heart. I was like, want to be a silent person more than talkative person, but at the moment, I wish to make myself in the conversation. 

How can you, so sure that you are really exist? Or you just a imagination of a small child of yourself? Every single path choices that you made is a right choice, even though it is a tragedy or bad ending. What does really matter is how you gonna live with it.

Once a wise man told me that I'm too greed to want all of the choices that given, that will makes you live like hell and can't getting a success career life. So, now I'm learn letting it go. Learn how to live without things. If worth, I fight for it. Sometimes, I saw it clearly that not mine, I tried, I fail, but at least a try, better than  do nothing.

Brave enough to travel the whole journey yourself ? or fear enough became a coward lock yourself alone and die without trying?

So, tell me, where we start? 

Monday, September 02, 2013

Social Life

When I will stop this? Try to stop typing all the things on here? This may be a threat for me in the future. At lease I think it that way. Because all my weaknesses are all on here. People can even study and try to strike me when I was weak. Maybe I was thinking too much, but considering all the possible, I took it seriously. I guess someday this place may shut down permanently.

I just can't imagine how cool heart I will be. Forgive me if I'm treating cool on you. I don't meant that.

Like I said, I have no friend at all in my entire high school life. Except those are really close to me. I can count that, JunKid, Machi, Coffee, Ah B, Kok Wai, Joan. I met people who knows me, but I don't know them at all. That pity for my social life. People will ask, do you make friend in the football club? I would say, not at all. In the club, people treat me well just because I'm like junior for them. Or maybe I'm not just good at conversation with a lot of people.

Recently, I find out, you can't trust anyone in your life, even your family, except yourself. I'm not talking those drama things that father lie to son, mother lie to daughter, boy friend lie to girl friend to keep a secret of truth. But sometimes drama things will come up your life, and make you feels like you in the drama. Good news is, you'll know what to do next, bad news is you'll think too much for it and killing yourself.

I hate lies, I don't even lie to my parent since I was 13, but irony, I good with lies. But when I don't lie to you please take it seriously, because you may be a part I never doubt for.