Lately, Recently

It is a harsh time for me now, maybe thing I said just easy for you but me, really messing up and lost.

Now I was trapping myself in a messy mind and heart. Once I thought I really fell in love again, and it was great. After realize there been always wasn't me or the one. Was a bit upset but I just keep lying myself that I could wait and wait until someone would notice all the things I done on one purpose, all I want is someone that I like or love can smile or laugh with me.

People say if you love someone enough, then he/she will love back, and until now, I haven't met one and so I believe it's a lie and a lie that keep giving people hope. I was consider a person who doing many things to people who I care, but the thing is I keep doing those things, I keep hurting myself. Think negative is tragic, but think positive is bring hope to people and thats require a lot of brave and responsibility. 

Lately, went lost, like a lamb lost in the mist. Everyday I wake up, feels like I just barely know myself.  I was trying to positive thinking, sometime it helps, but sometime I just become silent suddenly and even don't want to talk with others, wants to run away, push away all my friend, push away all the people who cares me, and I'm just afraid, afraid and afraid to face all those people.

Too silent, too lonely. I just don't know why.

I'm shutting myself down. REBOOT. 

Initializing...

December 2013 the end of the year, what would it will be?

I want to find back those I was lost one year time. Football life. 

I want to plan a secret things that all my friend and family don't know. When they find out, friend thinks me crazy, family will angry about me. 

I need a one-way trip, never regret. 

两次

找不到自己应该的位置
想找回昔日的感觉，却因为跨不过去的绊脚石给阻当了
我真的很喜欢当在自己很艰难的时候，咬紧牙给挺过去了
不管多么困难，当跨过去的那一刻，我是享受着的

感情，早已走出阴影
友情，跨越陌生地带
温情，明白成熟懂事
学业，努力不惜学习
业余，学习兴趣爱好

我试图压抑自己对你的感觉，因为觉得自己太容易喜欢上别人，到最后是自己的一厢情愿，活在自己的幻想世界里。

那一次的明恋，明白自己是多么的微小
那一次，才明白别人并感觉不到，自己在追求她
那一刻，发现自己，对一个充满信心与希望的感情，是多么的执着，直到跌入谷底，碰了钉，认知自己与对方的不可能，才深深的相信，自己已经早已被淘汰。
那一件事后，明白，对自己喜欢的人，存为保留，才能让自己有个台阶，在被淘汰时，可以下台。
而这一次，我明白，我们的缘分就到好朋友而已。

她们俩，有着同样的遭遇，同样的背景，同样的故事。
第一个，只相信自己能是那个能给希望她的。
第二个，相信自己是能呵护，明白，了解她的人。

你问我，我的选择？
我问你，能有第三个选择吗？

An unexpected person

Considering typing Chinese maybe you don't read it well, so I make it English for you.

Once, you told me about your life before I walked in. It was miserable, I can felt it. 

These day I know you have a hard time and I really know how it feels like, I really do. We barely knows each others, and I may not know how or what, but at least I hope I can be the one you can rely on.

I always want to see you smile when we meet or while chatting together.

Since we met at the moment I just want you be joy and happy, and when I can do something that can make you smile again and again I will keep doing that. It nothing about benefit or what, sometime it's just feelings. You just want the people you like that can smile with you.

In this stage, what I can do, and what I can't do, it was pretty clear in my mind. Stop and stare, waiting thing hows happen and always have prepare things when goes bad. I always do. But, before things be clear enough, I'll try, would you let me?