JinQuan: February 2015

Who cares top there have a beautiful view when you already have one beside you.

The Day 1

The trip day.
Phone message rang. I woke and read the message.
It was her, she said she will reach at 11am, so I speed up my schedule.
I was plan to reach airport early to welcome her at the train station but I'm late. Bus drive was arguing with boss and made me late.
On the road, it was peaceful, music was playing "Eternal Flame". Before reach, I text her for where to meet up and ate lunch together.
I was lost during find "Wendy" the place we should meet up. So I follow my instinct to find her. Lucky I did found her. She was walking around like a lost kid. I love hers backpack.

Well, I must say the next 3 hours before we fly, we are totally boring like hell. I really doesn't feel like want to mention yesterday was my birthday, but she somehow suddenly remember and wish me.
Thanks. I appreciate!
Our flight going to fly soon. Her monthly sick made her suffer. I have no idea but try to make her laugh or happier a bit. Well, my humor sense sometime can be very bad. Hahaha!

2 and 30 min flight, we haven't eat a thing since we meet up. So, I carving for food, I think she might too. I order a set meal and share with her. We reach Kota Kinabalu (KK) about 8pm and take the booked taxi to the place where we stay. We bought some snack in local store and hit the road. Lucky she sleep during the uphill drive. The moon so bright in the middle of the night sky.

After 2 hour drive, we reach. The weather there are cold and chilling. After thanks the taxi, lodge staff lead us to the room we staying. I checked the hot water and ask her shower first. Well, like people say when woman in period can be very "unstable" you better watch out what you say or do. She shout at me and ask why can I shower first? I was like -- What? But fine, so I go shower first.

She afraid of cold, plus in her period time, things can be go nasty. She can be very caprice. She request for bedtime story, I admit I didn't have a good voice, but I try to do my best. For the first time I read someone bedtime story, and I'm really tired, eyes half close when read out the story. I keep read until she seem like asleep. I close the light and slept with a distance.

The Day 2

The climb day.
Alarm woke me up, I wash up and gently woke her up. The day light is warmer than the night, but still chill. Heat is all we need. I fill some hot water into the hot water bag and lend to her. After both of us ready, we went for breakfast in the lodge.

An easy simple breakfast with a gorgeous girl. After finish, we check out and walk to the Kinabalu park. While we walk, we talk, we saw each other breath in cold.

All check, all paid, and prepared. We reach the Timpohon gate with transportation. The 6 km distance between Raba Rata and us. We didn't talk much while climbing and barely catch breath while climbing and the oxygen become more thin as we ascending. As we defy the earth gravity, the landscape more beautiful than I ever see in my life. She seem more afraid of height and keep worry how to climb down.

I like the sight of her back. I'm not sure does she like mine.

I never hold her hand before. When we climb, I can senses her fear of height as I doubt myself make a mistake to bring her here. The more she afraid, the more hard she hold my finger. That is true, my pity two finger and she hold with a cute way.

After 6 hours climb, we wait for feast. The food taste good, especially the lamb. Well, the meal really fill in our stomach hollow. I can't find our guide, she seem tired and need a rest, so I decide go find myself. 10 minutes walk to our dorm. I open the door, unload stuff, both of us sit on the bed and no one talk for minutes. It was a tiring climb. The water cold as ice water. Hot water for shower here it runs with solar heat system. The cold weather make her afraid to shower. Before I went to shower, I prepare a buck of hot water for her clean up. She asked does I feel tired to taking care a girl. Yeah, it was not easy to take care a girl, and also not easy to build up a relationship bond like we had. It never easy to take care a person, tire just temporary.

HOT WATER!!! Here just like a winter country! Freaking cold and without heater. All we can use is hot water for warm up our body. Night fall down about 7pm. Both of us afraid of cold, so I decide a very old fashion way to keep warm, sleep on a same bed and do nothing but sleep ONLY. Both of us hard to sleep because of the cold weather. I sleep lightly through the night, sometimes open eyes to look at her. I fell in love the way she fall asleep. Slowly, I confess all the secret and feelings to her, now I have nothing to hide or keep away from her. Even though the biggest secret already relieve. She kept her silent all time, I'm not sure whether she asleep or listening, one thing I'm sure is, she did call my name while sleep.

The Day 3

The conquer day.

I can't sleep well while she doesn't feel well, so I wake once the alarm rang.

I went out room wash up and boil some hot water for her. Again, the temperature is killing me. I try to resist it because someone more afraid cold than I am. A brilliant idea pop out my mind suddenly, what if I can let she brush and wash in the room. A bowl, a cup and hot water. After done her wash up, I went down to the lobby and get some food. I feed myself as well and pack some toast for her. When I return, I gave her the warm toast and she ate blessed. I knew the next journey would be more hard for her, and me.

It was 2am in the morning, woods cover by ice, temperature and oxygen more low when we climb. She starting feeling unwell. Maybe is her lung I guess, we rest few times. Until the junction of use rope to climb, her heart was pumping. I told her, she can do this. I believe she can conquer the mountain and the fear of height. She took the rope and start climb, one step to the another. At the start of the second rope, she look at her right side, it was a beautiful view at the same time her leg can't move up. She decide to give up after she climb more than half way of the Kinabalu Mountain before today. I cover her back while she slowly descending from the rope climb.

I took her to a safer place and sit. She shrink and holding her leg, just like a little girl just get a shock from something scary. Her tear fall from eyes, she snoring and keep on rub her nose. It feels hurt when I saw that. So, I hug and comfort her. When she told me she want to keep on but I refuse let her. I know up there, have a view that rest of our life maybe can't see it again. I really want to climb but at the same time I can't leave her behind. Choices can be so fragile. I willing give up the view for her. Who cares top there have a beautiful view when you already have one beside you.

We head back the place we stay. Prepare hot water. Yeah, hot water again. It really need hot water whole time when lack of heating stuff at this temperature. She lie down the bed, waiting the sun rise up. I can see, she blame herself because can't make it to the peak. All I wish is she can enjoy but not scared. Both of us slept at the first dawn.

Pack and load. It's really freezing and I need to take care of her. Although I'm not anyone very special for her, but now I want to think what I can do for her rather than other else. Maybe this the only and the only last time we had each other together do something like this.

After breakfast, we start descending from the mountain. We walk, we talk, we laugh, we share, we help each other. Those beautiful moment are too many that I just can remember fragment. When we walk pass the Timpohon gate, feels like we just came back from hellish. Suddenly she say she miss it back there. I wonder.

Lucky for us after finish climb, we found a ride to the city central. We enjoy the remaining moment we had in the park and continue travel the next destination. 2 hours ride can be very tire, she slept on the road, her soft little head lie on my shoulder, and I lie on her head.

We reach city about 4.30pm. Driver drop us at wrong place, so we need take taxi to the place we stay the night. This time she shower first, so I saw the bed was so mess up, I put her stuff in order to let her easier pack and I try to clean up and keep my mind clear for planning.

We staving and find for food. I never thought about the place will be so far away from the city. She mad at me because I found a place with hard to find food. I want to argue but it won't help. So, I decide go the nearest restaurant eat up some. Both of us was so mad to each other. I can't make decision when in emotional situation. We stop by MAMAK stalk, order drinks. She just say one sentences while I'm waiting my MAGGI goreng plus teluk mata.

"You came far away just for eat MAMAK?!"

That moment I realize how wrong I am.

This is so wrong. While waiting food come, I search on internet and try to find some clue of seafood. The food and drink haven't finish, I paid and leave. We walk down the road, I hope maybe have a chance to get a taxi. I swear, for a second, I afraid she won't follow me and walk back straight to the hotel. End up, we found a taxi and ask for places to eat cheap seafood and he bring us to the place that he recommend.

I'm so sorry that I let her almost fade out because for starve.

The next is just lovely couple eating feast of seafood.

Till the night, we pack and ready to sleep. There is an hour, I leave the room, I guess she never know where I had been.

The Day 4

The return day.

Rough night for me, but I still need to hang on until the end.

I woke her up and wash up. Time is rushing. I having a headache that morning. Maybe the rough night I can't sleep well. I'm really tired. I can sleep anywhere. I can't talk with consciousness to her. I hug her backpack and slept on it. She walk everywhere in the airport that I too tired to follow. Just an eyes sight to her, then slowly I fell asleep.

The next thing I know is we flying at the middle of the sky.

The middle thing I know is she hungry, but I'm not. She ate and fall asleep.

The last thing I know is flight almost landing and I eat the chicken rice that she left some.

Still, I love the sight of her back. She always knew I would catch up her sooner or later, so she keep going on herself. I'll follow where she go, like a shadow.

The last walk until the terminal,I can't walk in with her. We say goodbye.
I know, there something changed between us. I don't know, just a feelings that would never come back.

Rest well.

La Fin

The woman I loved, she doesn't love me like I loved her.
The woman I loved, she never remember my birthday like I remembered hers.
The woman I loved, she never notice what I did for her.
The woman I loved, she flirt with someone else while I waiting her reply.
The woman I loved, she doesn't love me, but I protected her, and betray my friends.
The woman I loved, she let off all the anger to me and I always stay cool.
The woman I loved, she doesn't did a single thing to me, but I love her anyway.
The woman I loved, she ask for help, and I never know how to reject.
The woman I loved, she cry for desperate, I might be the last one she ever know to find.
The woman I loved, she know a lot, experience a lot, so better than me.
The woman I loved, she always afraid to make choice, even choosing a relationship.
The woman I loved, she is complicated, and I'm too simple for her.
The woman I loved, she love those always can accompany her, but I'm not.
The woman I loved, she love those people who can create a lot of memory with her, but I'm not.
The woman I loved, she always compliment people who treat her good.
The woman I loved, she always can find someone else until no one but me.
The woman I loved, she took my heart, no intention crush into pieces, but already shattered.
The woman I loved, she never know in middle of the night, I cried alone and fell asleep.
The woman I loved, she thinks I'm not gentle, but I'm trying my best.
The woman I loved, she don't accept my gentle offer, but I try my best anyway.
The woman I loved, she point out a lot of stupidness of me, but I love her anyway.
The woman I loved, she will never love me, in romantic way.
Neither God nor attraction law will help, it just because some bond meant to be "Just Friend", "Friend Till Die", "Best Friend Froever", "Friendzone".
That relationship grey zone, you never know what happen next.

Saturday, February 28, 2015

十秒鐘的時空

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Love.

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

The Trip

Friday, February 06, 2015

Perk of Being Wallflower.