封篇之畢業典禮

人説：“當你越想一個人，在夢里你就能見到她。”
對，沒有錯
但也有人説：“夢里和現實是相反的情景。”
這句話也對，沒有錯
因爲我在經歷著上述兩句話的事實

有沒有試過心碎到睡覺也睡不了？
我已經嘗試不去碰酒精去麻醉自己
讓自己清醒的痛
讓自己看清一切

有點懶的寫在這里
若你要故事
就找本人問吧

若沒什麽意外
這將會是封篇
將來再也沒什麽想寫下來了
不開心的讓它過去，別寫下來
開心的記心裏，把它拍下來

穿了畢業袍，雖然不是學士(Degree)文憑但也足以讓我明白再次畢業的心情

The Pregnancy Dream

How can I be more specific the story I about to tell?
In certain way, it might happen soon. No doubt.
I just wanna accept and prepare my mental all the time.
Not to be strong, but by your side. All the time.

When the night I was giving up everything
She show up in my dream again.
Every time I gonna give up and move on, she show up again.
Maybe I kinda coward to let it go? Not sure.

So, the dream I about to tell, it truly make me straight up open my eyes and wake up.
It's not a scary story, it's a ... *not sure what word I can describe.
At first, I want to call her and tell her about this, but that time I already force myself keep away from her and if I want to find a person can love me in future. I NEED TO MOVE ON. IN SERIOUSLY.

Here's begins:
The dream windup I met her in somewhere like a house in living room.
Suddenly, she cry and start told me that she is sorry and keep on say: "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

I hug her and asked: "Why? What happen?"

"I'm so sorry, I didn't want this happen." she said.

"Just tell me, what happen?" I said.

"I'm pregnant."

That moment I shock!

"It's gonna be okay. Don't worry."

"I'm so so so sorry. I didn't want know it will happen."

I hug her so tight and I started tear out, I crying, and I don't know why.

"Promise me you will give birth. Promise me you will stay alive and everything will be okay." *I not sure why I said this, but it's what I remember I said to her.*

I cry.
So hard.
The sudden, I woke up.
The last I remember is  what I said to her. There were no respond from her.
I was too scare and my brain kick me out of the dream.

I'm sorry, if I make you feel sorry to me.
对不起，如果让你感觉到你对不起我。

The Last Long Breaking Point

November
Raining month
Cold and damp
and miss somebody like rain

When I started to talk
You shut me up with my annoying reason
I did try, but 3 years of cold shoulder I think that is enough
People said :"At least you both try to work out but somehow not meant to be have a better relationship."
I tried, broke your walls, but you built it higher
I tried to throw the balls to you, but you never throw back
I tried to do accept who you in love with, but it making more crazy than ever
Every time I thought that is the window for me walk in your life with different relation
But you loved someone else

The other day I asked myself, do I really love you?
or just I never give up?
or because I wanted you in my life?
Like what people say about LOVE
and I found my answer

I crazy in love with your flaws
When you upset, I want to cheer you up
When you fear, I will give you courage
When you mad, I listen why you mad about
When you disgust, that is my fault and my job to let you feel embrace again

I've got nothing to say
Just
Anything doesn't make sense without you



Sorry, I reach my breaking point.

Cure not poison

For me
The ultimate cure in this world is
When you talk to me

It cure every mood of mine
It cure every sadness of mine
It cure every inner dark side of me

Negatives to positives
You are the cure
Not the poison I addicted to

朋友的问题

其实这几个月
自己的焦虑与忧伤的情况有好转
没像以前那么还放不开
偶尔的寂寞还是会
但还是能用其他事情转移不安的情感
每一次的博客更新让我自己检讨
其实也不是一件坏事

其实我还蛮讨厌别人一直说她的坏话
能说她的坏话也只有我有这个权利
但我觉得我身边很亲近的朋友都已经彻底放弃我了
完全不了解我的作风
而我也不在乎别人了解
因为这是对自己的诚实
自己的心不需要别人来指指点点
自己的感觉不需要别人的指使
自己的感觉要对自己诚实

我只想对她说一句
你是我的人，你要不要和我的朋友交朋友是你权利，我也没有逼你和我的朋友交朋友或是我叫我的朋友和你交朋友。若是不和，搭不上话，那么跟我的朋友就做一个一面之交的朋友就好。我相信你交朋友的质量。

但
其实有时候觉得
彻底离开她
她会想念你
她会想跟你说话
她会不想和你结束话题
她很想跟你出去
她想给你好的
她想你留下

反而离开她的人成了她最想要的人
而离不开的人成了她能依靠的人

一些感想

我要告诉你一个事实
就是《我的少女时代》很好看
我很喜欢全部的造型和场景设计
真心喜欢这部电影
但是唯一的遗憾就是
给我冲击的泪点完全不够
不能哭个痛快
要怪就怪我吧！
缺乏那些中学时期的回忆
缺乏初恋那种感觉
要不然就是全忘了
哈哈

当徐太宇推林真心的那一幕
他们在笑我却眼睛湿湿的
剩下的我只是感同身受罢了
可能就觉得
那种为自己喜欢的人搏命
很正常啊！
然后就觉得徐太宇跟我的作风很像
只是这些我都没在中学时期做过

剩下的
也有的是满满的感动
然后就是
宋芸桦
换个装
然后就是美爆了

Glasses.

Every time we talk, I always take away my glasses. 

Glasses make me feels like I'm judging.

Feels like I need glasses to see clearly of a person. 

When the moment I take it away

I saw more clear that I usually have.

Realize, I don't need glasses make a clearer path for me.

She is in front of me and I glad I found her.

Photograph

I always be the one who photo shoot.

Who never been in my own photograph, or others.

I want make it with you, together

we in the same photo

holding each other hands kissed under the sunset.

Reluctant

This feeling I never had when I crush on you.

Until recent day, when I look at you. 

One craziest thought I never know I would want desperately.

To kiss your lips.

Space & Time

I have a dream last night. To be specific is Oct 3. Non of the dream that can make me continue after I wake up to confirm I am asleep and dreaming.

The dream was so real until I fall into it; feel and live into it. 

I did so many thing in that dream. So far I know it's been awhile since I do those things. 

People would say:"Maybe it's just you desperately want that, so your brain fool you with your dream." 

But I'm not. I mean I already let it go; let it flows away. 

Until she gave an message impact. 

I never thought about she opened that note at this moment. 

I never thought about it she would open at all. 

And never thought she take a picture and send it to me. 

It just gave me the impact of complicated feelings I didn't aware and I bring into sleep. 

I remember I watching her collapse; watching her cried so hard that can't catch a breath; watching her fall asleep. 

Now, I wonder.

Because something just not words can describe.

Now, I don't ask what we are. 

Because it just meaningless to ask. 

But if we still have unknown in the universe, then how would be us to understand love in rational way? 

Love, is beyond space and time.

I love the parallel universe concept, it gave me think about the choices we did made and we didn't made.