封篇之畢業典禮

人説：“當你越想一個人，在夢里你就能見到她。”
對，沒有錯
但也有人説：“夢里和現實是相反的情景。”
這句話也對，沒有錯
因爲我在經歷著上述兩句話的事實

有沒有試過心碎到睡覺也睡不了？
我已經嘗試不去碰酒精去麻醉自己
讓自己清醒的痛
讓自己看清一切

有點懶的寫在這里
若你要故事
就找本人問吧

若沒什麽意外
這將會是封篇
將來再也沒什麽想寫下來了
不開心的讓它過去，別寫下來
開心的記心裏，把它拍下來

穿了畢業袍，雖然不是學士(Degree)文憑但也足以讓我明白再次畢業的心情

The Pregnancy Dream

How can I be more specific the story I about to tell?
In certain way, it might happen soon. No doubt.
I just wanna accept and prepare my mental all the time.
Not to be strong, but by your side. All the time.

When the night I was giving up everything
She show up in my dream again.
Every time I gonna give up and move on, she show up again.
Maybe I kinda coward to let it go? Not sure.

So, the dream I about to tell, it truly make me straight up open my eyes and wake up.
It's not a scary story, it's a ... *not sure what word I can describe.
At first, I want to call her and tell her about this, but that time I already force myself keep away from her and if I want to find a person can love me in future. I NEED TO MOVE ON. IN SERIOUSLY.

Here's begins:
The dream windup I met her in somewhere like a house in living room.
Suddenly, she cry and start told me that she is sorry and keep on say: "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

I hug her and asked: "Why? What happen?"

"I'm so sorry, I didn't want this happen." she said.

"Just tell me, what happen?" I said.

"I'm pregnant."

That moment I shock!

"It's gonna be okay. Don't worry."

"I'm so so so sorry. I didn't want know it will happen."

I hug her so tight and I started tear out, I crying, and I don't know why.

"Promise me you will give birth. Promise me you will stay alive and everything will be okay." *I not sure why I said this, but it's what I remember I said to her.*

I cry.
So hard.
The sudden, I woke up.
The last I remember is  what I said to her. There were no respond from her.
I was too scare and my brain kick me out of the dream.

I'm sorry, if I make you feel sorry to me.
对不起，如果让你感觉到你对不起我。

The Last Long Breaking Point

November
Raining month
Cold and damp
and miss somebody like rain

When I started to talk
You shut me up with my annoying reason
I did try, but 3 years of cold shoulder I think that is enough
People said :"At least you both try to work out but somehow not meant to be have a better relationship."
I tried, broke your walls, but you built it higher
I tried to throw the balls to you, but you never throw back
I tried to do accept who you in love with, but it making more crazy than ever
Every time I thought that is the window for me walk in your life with different relation
But you loved someone else

The other day I asked myself, do I really love you?
or just I never give up?
or because I wanted you in my life?
Like what people say about LOVE
and I found my answer

I crazy in love with your flaws
When you upset, I want to cheer you up
When you fear, I will give you courage
When you mad, I listen why you mad about
When you disgust, that is my fault and my job to let you feel embrace again

I've got nothing to say
Just
Anything doesn't make sense without you



Sorry, I reach my breaking point.

Cure not poison

For me
The ultimate cure in this world is
When you talk to me

It cure every mood of mine
It cure every sadness of mine
It cure every inner dark side of me

Negatives to positives
You are the cure
Not the poison I addicted to

朋友的问题

其实这几个月
自己的焦虑与忧伤的情况有好转
没像以前那么还放不开
偶尔的寂寞还是会
但还是能用其他事情转移不安的情感
每一次的博客更新让我自己检讨
其实也不是一件坏事

其实我还蛮讨厌别人一直说她的坏话
能说她的坏话也只有我有这个权利
但我觉得我身边很亲近的朋友都已经彻底放弃我了
完全不了解我的作风
而我也不在乎别人了解
因为这是对自己的诚实
自己的心不需要别人来指指点点
自己的感觉不需要别人的指使
自己的感觉要对自己诚实

我只想对她说一句
你是我的人，你要不要和我的朋友交朋友是你权利，我也没有逼你和我的朋友交朋友或是我叫我的朋友和你交朋友。若是不和，搭不上话，那么跟我的朋友就做一个一面之交的朋友就好。我相信你交朋友的质量。

但
其实有时候觉得
彻底离开她
她会想念你
她会想跟你说话
她会不想和你结束话题
她很想跟你出去
她想给你好的
她想你留下

反而离开她的人成了她最想要的人
而离不开的人成了她能依靠的人

一些感想

我要告诉你一个事实
就是《我的少女时代》很好看
我很喜欢全部的造型和场景设计
真心喜欢这部电影
但是唯一的遗憾就是
给我冲击的泪点完全不够
不能哭个痛快
要怪就怪我吧！
缺乏那些中学时期的回忆
缺乏初恋那种感觉
要不然就是全忘了
哈哈

当徐太宇推林真心的那一幕
他们在笑我却眼睛湿湿的
剩下的我只是感同身受罢了
可能就觉得
那种为自己喜欢的人搏命
很正常啊！
然后就觉得徐太宇跟我的作风很像
只是这些我都没在中学时期做过

剩下的
也有的是满满的感动
然后就是
宋芸桦
换个装
然后就是美爆了

Glasses.

Every time we talk, I always take away my glasses. 

Glasses make me feels like I'm judging.

Feels like I need glasses to see clearly of a person. 

When the moment I take it away

I saw more clear that I usually have.

Realize, I don't need glasses make a clearer path for me.

She is in front of me and I glad I found her.

Photograph

I always be the one who photo shoot.

Who never been in my own photograph, or others.

I want make it with you, together

we in the same photo

holding each other hands kissed under the sunset.

Reluctant

This feeling I never had when I crush on you.

Until recent day, when I look at you. 

One craziest thought I never know I would want desperately.

To kiss your lips.

Space & Time

I have a dream last night. To be specific is Oct 3. Non of the dream that can make me continue after I wake up to confirm I am asleep and dreaming.

The dream was so real until I fall into it; feel and live into it. 

I did so many thing in that dream. So far I know it's been awhile since I do those things. 

People would say:"Maybe it's just you desperately want that, so your brain fool you with your dream." 

But I'm not. I mean I already let it go; let it flows away. 

Until she gave an message impact. 

I never thought about she opened that note at this moment. 

I never thought about it she would open at all. 

And never thought she take a picture and send it to me. 

It just gave me the impact of complicated feelings I didn't aware and I bring into sleep. 

I remember I watching her collapse; watching her cried so hard that can't catch a breath; watching her fall asleep. 

Now, I wonder.

Because something just not words can describe.

Now, I don't ask what we are. 

Because it just meaningless to ask. 

But if we still have unknown in the universe, then how would be us to understand love in rational way? 

Love, is beyond space and time.

I love the parallel universe concept, it gave me think about the choices we did made and we didn't made.

Midnight rush

I'm not insomnia, I'm just too tired to sleep.
Feeling so weak now, eyes want to close but I don't let it.
So cruel that I treat myself like that.
No.
It's not cruel at all.
What I chosen, what I shall live with it.
Like a Pandora box.
Sleep. And I going to. Now.

Reboot@Ending

After several months I abandon this blogger and stop writing about how I feel. Yeah, I'm back. Maybe after this I will more seldom update this blog. What can I update seriously? Question asking? I think that will do.

How recent life?
Well, I must say before new semester start I was lazy like hell. Eat sleep play repeat. But before last semester break start, I follow Selangor Chinese football team won the MCFA with championship. It's kinda a huge achievement in Malaysia Chinese football career. Once in a life time, I'm very grateful that my friends come and support. Coaches gave me the early chance to bring team qualify the group stage. After that, I myself form a team go of a MCA futsal tournament. We qualify the group but stop at quarter final. It's a good experience, I never play futsal tournament before.

Now new semester start, knowing I have fail one of the subject from last semester. It's kinda sad, because it is on pending, maybe fail maybe not, so it's killing me, all is well. This semester all of the subject is my favorite, and I hunger for good result, true and a must.

How love life?
Hmm.. This is tough question, since past event happened I think I still in the aftermath. But good to let you know my life become more easier than before. I mean I change the way that used to be. I keep myself a part. How about hers? Maybe she doesn't deserves at all like my friend said, but I keep a part of her too. Maybe the feeling will fade away when time goes by.

FYI, I kinda love the single and didn't have anyone to crush on feels. I never felt so relieve before.

How family?
Not good. I think really not that good. Family now going thought hard time. I try everything I can to support the situation now. Devastated. That what I can say for now.

I think that all. What I can want more when I have bunch of friend DotA with me at night time?  Or discover a lot of Space documentary and physic theory for my further knowledge? Or kinda lot of series waiting me to watch: Arrow, Flash, Gotham, The Walking Dead and Big Bang Theory. Maybe sometimes re- watch previous season for waiting new season coming.

Goodnight, world.

有些東西不是你應該去拿的

是否真的要到那個地步？
把那些負面的來也很真實的想法的文章貼在博客？
就只是一個按鈕
我可以把全部東西貼在這裡
可是給誰看？
只是自己是一個笑話而已

深夜裡
有時候還是會痛

然而
我也不知道這個時候我在做什麼
只是覺得有義務來這裡寫寫東西更新一下

我這個時候打電話給妳
妳會接嗎？
當我在電話的另一頭靜靜的
妳會嘗試和我說話嗎？
我總會覺得
妳只會問：“有事嗎？”
若我不回答靜靜的
妳會說：“沒事我要掛了哦。”
而我還是靜靜
卻聽着你掛了電話的回音

後來許多事情發生了
我知道
原來
我們的關係真的很容易粉碎
只要我用對其他人的方式對妳
就算是我用對好朋友的方式對你
我們的關係也薄如紙

這是事實
也是我不願接受的事實

Recent up to date.

It was a long time since the last post. Blogger always be the best method I can release all the feelings I have. Comfortable should I say? The past few weeks, I kept all the feelings inside of me, sometimes in the late night, in a dark room, I sleep on the bed and tears out alone; sometimes I need to thank you my friends being so nice patiently listening all my same old story, all did make me feels better.

How deep is a people heart? Deep enough to hide the real you? or it just an illusion? I love to watch beautiful things, good looking people, but now, I lost my appetite to these. I just wanna look and find out what the behind of this thing or people. The true side, maybe bad; maybe good. The conflict of my deep heart never been peace.

And now, there are nothing to let me believe anymore. I lost my belief, even though people are encourage or some self motivate books told me never give up, but I did. Now, I just believe what I saw and what people done to me. That is the most real thing I ever had. The talk-only friendship, just talk-only friendship, and I don't need them. I'm a giver, but once I found out, it never came back for me, I think it's time let it go. Luckily, most of it will come back. Saddest is, your high hope of a person you thought special will return back, but not.

But not.

And, I'm just one of the pawn on your chessboard.

But that's alright if you win the chessboard game.

At least, you won.

It won't hurt.

Sometimes, it's so true that I know it hurts, but still die trying.

Why?

It is not about worthy.
It just before I lose you, I'll try anything make you feel me.
And now you'll see.
What I previous talk about losing you.
Just not simple as you thought about "You may afraid can't get me, but you'll never lose me." before.

Now I don't try ask for more.
Now I just pleased what I have that everyone gave me.
My friends, my teammates, my family, even from you.

But one thing I must say.
A true facts: I really happy when I spend a lot of time be with you and always happy to see you every time. Anytime in this universe, as long as with you.

短

開始有點寫不下任何東西

發現當你明白越多

你會越收在心裡不太想說
即使我寫了
我也不太想全部公開
我把部分寫了放進草稿檔裡
有時候

不知道為什麼自己的想法變得有點直接

直接到只差決定要不要說

若我說了

請別怪我

因為我信任你的判斷

這兩個月

讓我覺得有些

累

生病加心碎

我時常對自己說

你能怎樣？

你的選擇

決定你是一個怎樣的人

慶幸我還明白我是一個怎樣的人

把頭髮剪短了

那是我那麼久以來很喜歡也很適合我的髮型

而我把它剪了

它能令我很帥氣

可是我把它剪了

而我只是想了解我自己

是否真的能

把自己最喜歡的東西

剪了

然後感覺如何

我剪了

而我還好好的

我嘗試去接受我剪了我那最愛的髮型

偶爾摸摸自己的頭

說

它會長回來的

可是已經沒那麼期待它會長的快了

因為

我現在還得專心去做一些還沒完成的事

那只是一個你很喜歡的髮型而已
別迷戀它

它只是一個傳說

愛上一個對自己失憶

被自己遺忘的女孩

你能的就是好好的照顧她

你必須把自己想要的

變成你們一起創造的

-- JinQuan                

無題之亂寫

不知道從哪天開始
我失去寫故事的能力
我越寫越提不起勁
越寫，感覺越奇怪
是好事嗎？
我覺得是
是一件好事
因為我不再想那麼多
因為妳開始為我敞開心房
讓我好好的去了解你的想法
不去猜疑
不去多想

那些重量級的情話
都是靜悄悄的說出

那些回憶與經歷
都會被遺忘
都會被記錯
而我覺得沒必要去
讓一個人有罪惡感
去記得那些回憶
那些美好的回憶

別擔心
妳不記得
我會提醒妳
然後讓妳傻乎乎的想
拼命的回想
然後一直否認
那是我最大的樂趣

默默的

其實真的沒什麼大不了
精神上的折磨而已

夢見與妳一起的一切
想的是與妳共渡一切

真的沒什麼很大件事
只是精神上的折磨而已

覺得妳會為我
但妳不會
我也不期望妳會
也不覺得妳會

算了吧
一切會過去的
真的會過去的

痛是真的
愛也是真的
但
我更希望妳能
愛的很自由
愛的能飛翔
愛的很開心
愛的不必擦眼淚

因為明白妳經歷太多
所以想讓自己平凡些
好讓你毫無壓力
毫無戒心
去接受我

在我的愛情觀點上是自由的
妳要來
妳要走
妳決定
我會盡力而為挽回
然而妳決定了
再多說無益
我尊重妳的決定

雨人

我們都愛胡思亂想
可能沒安全感問題
造成我們都會這樣

最近
看見朋友們把原本的愛
變成恨
我想說
別把焦點放在同一個事情上
要理智分析問題
嘗試站在對方的角度設想

我不怪誰
我只恨當初不理智的我

要學會看開
真的不是那麼簡單
我很肯定
現在的我
已經
不是三個月前的我

要學會看開
不是一時能學會
而是經歷過
明白
了解
深入思考
當你悟覺那一剎那
你明白
沒有什麼是過不去的

#Sleepy

I'm just too tired to write
Sorry
People ask why
People ask worthy
People ask easy but I can give the deepest answer that other won't understand

I'm just feels sleepy
Heart, mind tired and sleepy

You're right
I hide things
but those things are tiny and not worth to mention once compare to yours
The reason why I choose don't talk about it
1st, no point at all
2nd, useless at all
And sometimes I don't talk about because before I talk I already know the answers

The night drive
Recently I love night drive
The night drive was more interesting when someone sleep beside you
or talk beside you
I love night drive
It let me think a lot
Life
Future
Plan
Cry sometime
But it is okay

My exist become your oblivion

Is what I fear most

Sense

Figure some how I do know something
Skype not green light anymore
His tweet can read a lot of things
So yea
Clearly back to normal I guess
Somehow, my sense are correct about things will happen
But never expect so soon
Well
Insomnia again

思念是一种病

对你的思念转化成记忆体
每一次的梦
梦境遇见你
听见你说话的声音
真的很想你
尝试撬开话题
你却冷漠已读

太久没有浇水的花
会枯萎
或许还残留着爱你的痕迹
痕迹终究会磨平
这样的爱意终究会磨灭

时空
把这分爱扭曲
选择
总会有瑕疵
坚守
已不在乎能否在一起
而
心碎
只是一阵子的事情

Quotes of mine

I believe what I believe is a bullshit

I smile and laugh at those stupid humanity

Maybe I'm intelligent, but far more than while handle my emotional

People are leaving, don't they? So pull your shit together and move on

I see though people evilness, that is sort kind of my talent gift

I always sort out my time plan for important people, so if you wanna last minute pull out, just let me know earlier

God help those who help themselves
People don't see far, yet I see too far and afraid of proceed

I know that is a trap, and only make me go into that trap is somebody I care most

If I were you, I kill myself already

Maybe it's cruel or I don't know what happening, but one thing I'm sure is I can see through problem

I don't think clear when I have attachment, but I think and act straight when I have alcohol

People think they afraid of changing, truth is they need some push

You'll know I'm a lunatic, once you're my friend

I think too much, like very much that you can't imagine

I'm a weirdo, I mean I talk or text weird, but if you feel not weird maybe we're same level of weird

If girl I like can eat a lot, then I can pay

Tough is not the way, to believe it's okay not to be okay, that's what I believe

Sometimes I act angry in conversation, but secretly I'm not angry at all

Music playlist, that what I hide myself into it

I knows things before you told me, sound one of the talent I have, I guess

As long as can make her high, that is not about the dick size anymore

A girl that have unique character, don't apologize, that's what make you became you

No matter how ridiculous she is, please believe her, because she just a girl.

With you, I really need to learn how to shut my mouth

In my term of healing, psychologist never help

One thing I never regret: I kissed your cheek on 14th of June, Kiss Day

- - JinQuan

To Mrs J

This time was different

Different than before

Yea

The feelings was hard and painful 

But it all came by

Around 

Bend 

After all these days I smile at those memory

Those memory I think will hurt me 

I told myself 

Those memory

Those moment 

I was smile and glad 

Maybe some flaws in those memory but

joy memory more then flaws 

and that was okay for me

Don't cry on those happy memory you have with people

Those are beautiful memory 

Don't let sadness take away from it

It take away enough from you 

Don't tears 

If you're thinking a happy, warm, joy memory 

These memory are deserves more than tears 

You should smile on it

You know 

Sometimes 

I think I was stupid to write those letter for you

Telling my feelings and truth for you is right

But

It is unnecessary

It is unnecessary

Well, I guess love can cloud your judgement was right after all 

I mean I was a stupid after all 

Don't I?

I mean why should I worry about losing you when you tell me I don't need to. 

I don't want to have you 

Why should I?

When I know I'm the only person that know you well

When I know I can have a female friends willing travel with me

When I know I can be your best friend ever in your life

When I know I can seduce you in some ways 

When I know I can give you some different taste in life

When I know I can learn about girls from you

When I know I can learn about how to take care a girl 

When I know I can share your burden

When I know I can shout on you, you can shout on me

When I know we can share about photography 

When I know someone that have the same taste with me

When I know you are weirdo as me 

After all of this

Then 

Why should I having you when I know can let you tears a lot?

I know if I can't let you stop, that is my problem 

But I did always did let you stop, don't I? 

And that enough reason for me to stay by your side. 

Just fuck others telling me that leave you is for my own good. 

Okay? 

Little of recently

It feels better recently
I mean, after all it will be alright
Yea
Should be

Yea
I'm JinQuan after all
If world going to doom I think I will be one of the survivor
JinQuan always good
JinQuan always not afraid pain
Something like that bla bla bla
Talking about like JinQuan won't destructible

Yea
Again
Maybe this is my fantasy again
Who's care how I going on

Well, only real true friends know what I'm thinking
How I am
And I going well again

ALL IS WELL

Belle of Ball

I tired about clarify you and I

I tired to search about meaning of us

I tired to pretend I'm okay

Lucky

All of my friends still love me

Make me feels I'm important to them

They appreciate what I did for them

At least of all

They gave me know what a friend will did for each others

At least 

I feel special when I around them

From you 

We are not friends

We are not lovers

We are not soul mates

Tell me one think that you did it for me

Just one single thing for me

That make me feels special for you

Please, my ears are yours

Remind me what you did for me 

Truth is 

I just a guy

Who always try to make use of you 

to fill up my fantasy

So, I don't blame you never discover my ability 

Maybe 

Just not you

And my heart shatter once again

Scale

How deep will you hurt me?
Scale 1 to 10

How bad can you treat me?
Scale 1 to 10

How easy can you ignore me?
Scale 1 to 10

How easy can you forget me?
Scale 1 to 10

How cold shoulder can you treat me?
Scale 1 to 10

And last

How deep is your love for me?

Continues below after scale..










































































































If you did scale the last question
Means
I am nothing to you
And
You want to live in the world that you always wanted to be
To fulfill your own desire
Handsome boy with charming eyes
Additional with some good family background
And
Plus with a good heart and fine brain
Okay
And
You can easily forget the person who always be with you
Fight with your life
He gave you his heart before the other guy does
No
I'm not the guy I talking about
I talking THE GUY
Who always waiting you
Patience
Tolerance
All he wanted is a chance
A fair chance

But now, all seem worthless to do
The guy you with now
or maybe not with now
or any guy you with now
He is a lucky guy

Sometimes
I think about how to save a broken soul
I try to save those
But not mine

Maybe is the reason that
I always in the save zone
Not the action zone

最長情的告白

錦權
你就別
再去
寫一大堆
說一大堆
關於你的感受了

你寫了
心情會好些
可是會加重讀者的心緒
你的心酸
你的感覺
你的血
你的淚
就好好的留給自己吧

你要知道
你其中一個讀者
她總會忘記
你們有過的小細節
你們有過的回憶
她總會把你和她回憶
記成是她和別人有過的回憶
你要原諒她
因為
你總是不找她說話
而她
也不太想和你說話

不要因為她總是把你鎖在門外
然後你就不去敲她的門
因為
你永遠不知道
門背後的她
在哭
在自責

別人能開啟她那扇門
那是有一定的原因
可能是她任性的原因
不能怪
人美
就是任性

別問我的心痛
別問我的心酸
別問我為什麼

我們選擇接受我們認為好的愛情

最長情的告白
不是
那些美麗的承諾
而是一句
結婚找不到人
我做你新郎
--JinQuan

Blue Girl

It was so wrong
So wrong that day
I should give you this little poor thing a hug
I saw your crying out loud tears
I heard your shattering voice

All I wanted to do is make you feel better
Not happy
Is feel better
But you and him in middle of something
So
I back off

I have no fucking IDEA what to do
I have no fucking IDEA what to say
So
I just do what I can do in the moment
To make you feel better

By the way, food was delicious

第八號當舖

我想寫些什麼的

但卻又制止了

只希望我幫的上忙就好

我總是希望妳能簡單些

簡單些

別每天沉靜在那些累人的感情枷鎖

你盡可能阻止了

發生了

你唯一能做的就是順着你的感覺

但順着的同時

也是過的很糟糕

若有第八號當舖

我想

你應該會當掉愛情

換

什麼都好

再輕一些些

她說她也只是分享心情而已
別把她分享的事情看得太重

大家都在說經驗之道
但
有些事
有些問題
不到那個年齡
你不可能體會到那種感覺
經歷了後
才知道
原來
一切真的不遲

“你可能會得不到我，但你不可能會失去我。”

有些愛
即說不出
也表達不出
只能用行動
而且要很努力的
去維持
而不是去證明

致：友情與愛情

若在你不理，不回，不見面，冷淡我，傷害我，無視我的情況下

我不能好好的愛自己，好好的生活下去

那麼真的有那麼一天

當我們的感情昇華的時候

我們並不會是開心的一對

致

友情與愛情

我們都害怕失去自己以為很愛的人

但原來她並不是那麼的愛你

然後

我們會做出一些傷害，為難對方的事情

告訴對方自己有多麼的愛她

其實說白了

她可能不會愛你

致

友情與愛情

當你愛的人不是你想像中的愛你

她拒絕了你一次又一次

在你朋友眼裡的她

她像是一個玩弄感情的人

但你有沒有想過

其實是你把她放在那個位置上

致

友情與愛情

第一次可以把自己的心情寫照寫的那麼好

感謝最近努力閱讀與心靈癒合

謝謝我自己還是那麼的愛妳和自己

不知道你現在過的怎樣

反正

你知道我三更半夜也會接電話
若不想我打去嚇你

你就不妨打來吧！

福爾摩斯習慣

我知道你正在處理一些我一知半解的事情

我不聞不問

是因為知道會換來一潑冷水

倒不如

默默的鼓勵你

替你加油

叫你堅強些

因為有些事終究會有一個決定

你不是不做決定

而是沒到絕地時刻

你是不會放手一搏

像你說的

我們不能掌握但我們能決定

許多事

許多許多事

關於我

你真的不知道

而有時

我卻知道你的事

我不怪你

但想告訴你

原因真的很簡單

Because I pay attention on you. 

More than words.

I love words. 

I love vintage typewriter font. 

I love typography, I always do. 

Words can read deep into your heart, deep into your mind. 

Some might think why I write many sentimental topic and label me as a sentimental writer and that is not true. 

Because the inspiration of creation is came from your mind, your heart. And I had to say, I have a big heart. 

I might pessimistic but I always hope for the best. 

I always told myself, everything will crush you in your life.

But deep down, never forget where you came from, what the purpose from the beginning and what make you reach until here. 

I like to create or invent. Like an inventor.

I like to create story, images, video and more that I can imagine. 

You can judge, criticize but never telling me to stop create.

 

I read a lot recently. 

Words keep flow in my head. 

Life of meaning, thought of matter. 

I'm waiting my chance to post my typography that I already create.

I love words like I said. 

"She not perfect. She mess things up. She have height phobia. She have select the phobia. She strong at the same time she weak. She cried at middle of the night. She miss someone but afraid to call. But, all she want is a man who bring her flower, understand her flaws and love it all. " 

-- JinQuan

突然的記憶

今天有個回憶突然出現在我腦海裡

“你還記得我為你做的video 嗎？” 我說
“不知道丟去那裡了咯。” 你說
“Walao，很辛苦做出來的叻。” 我說
然後不知道什麼話題
大家都把這個東西轉開了

因為這個video只有一份copy而已
我之前的hard disk 壞了，所以整份copy沒了
僅剩下刻錄給你的CD

只是記得
我拍了些你打球的背影
加
中華校園風景裡你可能找到的回憶
然後就是
自拍想對你說的一切30天裡的其中一天
剩下的全部不見了
然後背景音樂好像是
愛我的人收 ～ 賴淞鳳

另一個CD是
我去巴厘島的短片
剪接到有點亂
不過風景都拍的很漂亮
然後就交給你了
背景音樂是" Let Her Go"

寫給你的卡片
做個你的video
你都弄丟了

想想
為什麼我還沒被弄丟呢？
我傻笑了

那些該總結的事情

好了

好了

好了

夠了

夠了

夠了

深呼吸，吐氣

深呼吸，再吐氣

累了

就躺一躺

休息下

人生還有很長的路要走

最近的事情

真的有點過火了

然後

自己也有點累

幾乎每天都提着負擔過生活

不是生活負擔

而是情感負擔

只能告訴自己不管有多心碎

別說給別人聽

把碎片撿起來

再貼回原本的位置

繼續生活

我

不是很想再提關於她的事了

因為

真的不想再說了

就算說了

也改變不了什麼

我現在只想和我的朋友們開心的過每一天

每天在訊息箱裡廢話連篇的同時

我們互相學習一些新東西

運動多一些

好想念踢球的日子

不過為了要籌錢

做下打工仔

犧牲下

那些所謂的感情道理

偶爾想想就好

至少還能提提你心中還有那麼一個她

淡淡的一廂情願

天真浪漫的執著

盼望著某天釋懷

“我真的應該要幫你找一個會照顧你，想你，擔心你還有愛你的女友。”

“不必啦！你當我的那不就好了嗎？呵呵。”

“可是我每一次都在傷害你，不理你，我不會是你想要的女友哦。”

“沒關係，誰叫我那麼夠愛你？”

我也不知道為什麼我每一次願意為你做任何事

"I scare of you sometimes, do you know why?" the girl ask.

"Because you always go BIG for me and that terrifies me." the girl says.

就是因為這樣

所以有時候你乾脆阻止我去為你做任何事情

現在

我靜靜就好

You know you're always saying how you're just wanting me to be happy?

Well, the thing is, as you're in my life, I am.

Beyond something I searching for.

I really not angry or mad or any else you would think of

After I text you morning today and just now read your blog

I found myself really need to tell you something that I don't understand.

I'm a human, I talk to my love one (friends and family and lover) like a lot. Any funny, silly things or thought I think of, or any dream I dreamed, bullshit a lot but in the end we laugh at it or maybe knows life how should it be. I hold on every memory, every single tiny details of my love one, maybe sometimes will forget. I can be a very good listener, in fact you already know and I can come up something very serious thought and the same time try to cheer you up, but starting point is you willing talk to me. 

I don't understand. 

When I ask for the battery, you took it, and you never say a thing. I spend whole day and beg for the staff must find it for me because it is very important. Until, the staff told me, you took it.

I was like, do I text you before I started to wait? Yes. I do text, but why you don't say a thing? Okay, fine, maybe you're busying.

The way I found myself for any excuses of your reason that not reply a single word or how you act to me recently is more than your imagine. These days, my hope became desperate. You never reply my text. At the end, I just feel, it is enough for me that you already "seen" the massage. If you text back, that is my lucky day.  

I don't understand. 

Why? 

You said, I'm your soul mate or maybe soul mate is too shallow to describe between us. 

Well, that bother me, because I keep on asking myself, who are you to me? 

If I'm your soul mate, brother, best-friend, 

then who are you to me?

Unbreakable.

嗨！
我想除了你沒人會來我的博客留下足跡
博客上寫的也只是你和我的故事
感覺這博客好像成了我和你溝通的其中一個橋樑
無聲但從中卻能明白對方的思考
我想我道歉已經道歉的夠多了
可能現在你真的不想和我說話，不想見我，逃避我
也可能正好相反
你總會有兩面可能性思考的腦袋

這博客成了我感性時刻的記錄
同時也給能讓你釋放你的感性
說不出的感覺，不能用文字表達
是一件很糟糕的事情
有一個
能明白你的人無聲的陪伴，足矣

我的博客你會時常來讀
我的推特你會偶爾看
為了不讓你情緒一下子到達一個爆點
我選擇把感覺寫在博客
等你平伏情緒和有時間，你會拜訪這裡
看看我寫的文字
文采平凡，能觸動到你的心，已足夠

這幾天我好想跟你說話
不是簡訊，而是通話
簡訊你可以看了就把我愣在那，已讀不回
我寧願，我們見個面，吃頓飯
在見面的整個過程不說任何一句話。
而我現在只能告訴自己
“錦權，她在忙，她真的忙到沒有時間去憂傷，去想別人。”
“錦權，她可以很無理取鬧的把任何人推開，給她些時間去想。”
“錦權，想想任何辦法能讓她開心起來。”
“錦權，她真的不想見你，不想理你，不想你在她身邊，因為你真的很煩。”
“錦權，其實兩年前的劇本又重演了。”
“錦權，她只是害怕所以才這樣對你。”
我只是想對你說
別把我丟在一旁
請也把我一起帶上
一起進入你那混亂的世界裡，幫你整理

關於電池的故事
等你變正常一些，才跟你說
那個電池，除非你最近做了很多好事然後有好報
否則這個電池現在不會落在你的手上

然後
有一個夢是
我在夢裡遇見你
然後你靠近我
嘗試聞聞你的發香
但我卻聞不出味道

然後
不知何時
我開始知道
你對我撒謊的感覺
我感覺得到
卻沒嘗試拆穿
告訴自己要相信你
即使有多麼的荒謬
即使大家都說我笨
我選擇相信你
因為
你毫無頭緒，只好用謊言
因為
那是你的本性

哈哈

有點後悔當初寫給你的紙條大部分是感性的

應該寫多點激勵語給你

She finds it hard to trust someone,

She's heard the words cause they've all been sung.

She's the girl in the corner,

She's the girl nobody loved.

But I can't, I can't, can't stop thinking about you everyday,

And you can't, you can't,

you can't listen to what people say.

They don't know you baby,

Don't know that you're amazing,

But I'm here to stay.

**When you lose your way and the fight is gone,

Your heart starts to break

And you need someone around now.

Just close your eyes while I put my arms above you,

And make you unbreakable.

She stands in the rain, just to hide it all.

If you ever turn around,

I won't let you fall down now.

I swear I'll find your smile,

And put my arms above you,

And make you unbreakable.

I'll make you unbreakable.

Cause she's the girl that I never had,

She's the heart that I wanted bad.

The song I heard on the radio

That made me stop and think of her.

And I can't, I can't, I can't concentrate anymore.

And I need, I need,

Need to show her what her heart is for,

It's been mistreated badly,

Now her world has started falling apart,

Falling apart.

**

You need to know that somebody's there all the time,

I'd wait in line, and I hope it yours.

I can't walk away 'til your heart knows,

That it's beautiful.

Oh, I hope it knows, It's beautiful.

**

Cause I love, I love, I love, I love you darling.

Yes I love, I love, I love, I love you darling.

And I'll put my arms around you,

And make you unbreakable.

十秒鐘的時空

現在我知道你很希望有一台時光機
其實我也很想要有一台

某天晚上駕車回家
車子維持在六十左右
我在想，若我閉上眼睛十秒鐘再睜開
情況會變得怎樣？
我會車禍嗎？
我會死掉嗎？
我會活著嗎？

事實
我只是閉了五秒，然後就睜開了
眼前的一切還是一樣的
沒有變
車子只是從右邊滑向左邊當我在閉眼時

這種害怕和緊張的體驗
我的建議
你別亂來，真的很危險
不是每個人那麼容易面對生命結束的覺悟
我只是其中一個

昨天又忘了吃午餐
可能太忙吧
忙到真的連餓是什麼都不知道
希望自己的身體能繼續的撐着
不管是體能還是精神上

我在想
算你擁有了時光機
你也沒有那個膽量去修改這一切
因為
連環效應
能帶來的後果，不堪設想

我的建議？
若你們兩情相悅
請抱著你現在你愛的人
然後告訴他，妳多麼的愛他
別讓他猜疑
那只會讓他有一個機會去尋找另一個他覺得適合他的人
當他牽起另一個人的手時
就算有了時光機
記憶還是會永遠烙印在記憶裡
磨滅不去有一個曾經的事實

你怎樣能確定他是你的另一半？

只要你夠愛他
只要你真的夠愛他
你可以把你的世界
放在他的世界裡
縱容的
放縱的

因為那未知的前進時空
你們能創造一切屬於你們的東西
所以當你問怎樣去確定？
不能
因為這不是數學，物理，化學
這是愛
我們都在創造着愛。

Love.

It is 3 in the morning. Good thing is, I'm sober. I just want to write something.
This is something beyond my feelings.
I can't partially write it out. But I try my best.
Where the times goes?
Suddenly holidays gone.
After a week brake, I need to keep fighting everything in front of me.
Not because survival or having a good life ahead.
Is because of you.
Every single day I woke up, I think of you.
And I'm not saying those cheesy things or romantic things that some chapter you can found on movie.
What I saying is true, from bottom of my heart.
You said I should not too focus on one thing, like too focus on you.
But truth is, you are too big for me that I can't ignore.
For the first time, I was like, really found a purpose to love my life, to love what I have.
And I truly, originally love you.

I'm not perfect.
I really am.
I'm not cute or intelligent.
I'm not like those previous guys you have met before.
Not smart as he, or good looking as him.
And I never will became like them.
And I never will try to prove anything to became them.
And I telling you, I'm not afraid.
Because me is me.
If you can't love the original me that will surprise me.

Finally
I hope
The spark of us never disappear when this really going on.

She is the prettiest girl in this whole damn world.

I was so lucky. 

Soul Mates
I don't know how you are so familiar to me—or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place—some other existence.

- Lang Leav

The Trip

Who cares top there have a beautiful view when you already have one beside you.



The Day 1

The trip day.
Phone message rang. I woke and read the message.
It was her, she said she will reach at 11am, so I speed up my schedule.
I was plan to reach airport early to welcome her at the train station but I'm late. Bus drive was arguing with boss and made me late.
On the road, it was peaceful, music was playing "Eternal Flame". Before reach, I text her for where to meet up and ate lunch together.
I was lost during find "Wendy" the place we should meet up. So I follow my instinct to find her. Lucky I did found her. She was walking around like a lost kid. I love hers backpack.

Well, I must say the next 3 hours before we fly, we are totally boring like hell. I really doesn't feel like want to mention yesterday was my birthday, but she somehow suddenly remember and wish me.
Thanks. I appreciate!
Our flight going to fly soon. Her monthly sick made her suffer. I have no idea but try to make her laugh or happier a bit. Well, my humor sense sometime can be very bad. Hahaha!

2 and 30 min flight, we haven't eat a thing since we meet up. So, I carving for food, I think she might too. I order a set meal and share with her. We reach Kota Kinabalu (KK) about 8pm and take the booked taxi to the place where we stay. We bought some snack in local store and hit the road. Lucky she sleep during the uphill drive. The moon so bright in the middle of the night sky.

After 2 hour drive, we reach. The weather there are cold and chilling. After thanks the taxi, lodge staff lead us to the room we staying. I checked the hot water and ask her shower first. Well, like people say when woman in period can be very "unstable" you better watch out what you say or do. She shout at me and ask why can I shower first? I was like -- What? But fine, so I go shower first.

She afraid of cold, plus in her period time, things can be go nasty. She can be very caprice. She request for bedtime story, I admit I didn't have a good voice, but I try to do my best. For the first time I read someone bedtime story, and I'm really tired, eyes half close when read out the story. I keep read until she seem like asleep. I close the light and slept with a distance.

The Day 2

The climb day.
Alarm woke me up, I wash up and gently woke her up. The day light is warmer than the night, but still chill. Heat is all we need. I fill some hot water into the hot water bag and lend to her. After both of us ready, we went for breakfast in the lodge.

An easy simple breakfast with a gorgeous girl. After finish, we check out and walk to the Kinabalu park. While we walk, we talk, we saw each other breath in cold.

All check, all paid, and prepared. We reach the Timpohon gate with transportation. The 6 km distance between Raba Rata and us. We didn't talk much while climbing and barely catch breath while climbing and the oxygen become more thin as we ascending. As we defy the earth gravity, the landscape more beautiful than I ever see in my life. She seem more afraid of height and keep worry how to climb down.

I like the sight of her back. I'm not sure does she like mine.

I never hold her hand before. When we climb, I can senses her fear of height as I doubt myself make a mistake to bring her here. The more she afraid, the more hard she hold my finger. That is true, my pity two finger and she hold with a cute way.

After 6 hours climb, we wait for feast. The food taste good, especially the lamb. Well, the meal really fill in our stomach hollow. I can't find our guide, she seem tired and need a rest, so I decide go find myself. 10 minutes walk to our dorm. I open the door, unload stuff, both of us sit on the bed and no one talk for minutes. It was a tiring climb. The water cold as ice water. Hot water for shower here it runs with solar heat system. The cold weather make her afraid to shower. Before I went to shower, I prepare a buck of hot water for her clean up. She asked does I feel tired to taking care a girl. Yeah, it was not easy to take care a girl, and also not easy to build up a relationship bond like we had. It never easy to take care a person, tire just temporary. 

HOT WATER!!! Here just like a winter country! Freaking cold and without heater. All we can use is hot water for warm up our body. Night fall down about 7pm. Both of us afraid of cold, so I decide a very old fashion way to keep warm, sleep on a same bed and do nothing but sleep ONLY. Both of us hard to sleep because of the cold weather. I sleep lightly through the night, sometimes open eyes to look at her. I fell in love the way she fall asleep. Slowly, I confess all the secret and feelings to her, now I have nothing to hide or keep away from her. Even though the biggest secret already relieve. She kept her silent all time, I'm not sure whether she asleep or listening, one thing I'm sure is, she did call my name while sleep.

The Day 3

The conquer day. 

I can't sleep well while she doesn't feel well, so I wake once the alarm rang. 

I went out room wash up and boil some hot water for her. Again, the temperature is killing me. I try to resist it because someone more afraid cold than I am. A brilliant idea pop out my mind suddenly, what if I can let she brush and wash in the room. A bowl, a cup and hot water. After done her wash up, I went down to the lobby and get some food. I feed myself as well and pack some toast for her. When I return, I gave her the warm toast and she ate blessed. I knew the next journey would be more hard for her, and me. 

It was 2am in the morning, woods cover by ice, temperature and oxygen more low when we climb. She starting feeling unwell. Maybe is her lung I guess, we rest few times. Until the junction of use rope to climb, her heart was pumping. I told her, she can do this. I believe she can conquer the mountain and the fear of height. She took the rope and start climb, one step to the another. At the start of the second rope, she look at her right side, it was a beautiful view at the same time her leg can't move up. She decide to give up after she climb more than half way of the Kinabalu Mountain before today. I cover her back while she slowly descending from the rope climb. 

I took her to a safer place and sit. She shrink and holding her leg, just like a little girl just get a shock from something scary. Her tear fall from eyes, she snoring and keep on rub her nose. It feels hurt when I saw that. So, I hug and comfort her. When she told me she want to keep on but I refuse let her. I know up there, have a view that rest of our life maybe can't see it again. I really want to climb but at the same time I can't leave her behind. Choices can be so fragile. I willing give up the view for her. Who cares top there have a beautiful view when you already have one beside you.

We head back the place we stay. Prepare hot water. Yeah, hot water again. It really need hot water whole time when lack of heating stuff at this temperature. She lie down the bed, waiting the sun rise up. I can see, she blame herself because can't make it to the peak. All I wish is she can enjoy but not scared. Both of us slept at the first dawn. 

Pack and load. It's really freezing and I need to take care of her. Although I'm not anyone very special for her, but now I want to think what I can do for her rather than other else. Maybe this the only and the only last time we had each other together do something like this. 

After breakfast, we start descending from the mountain. We walk, we talk, we laugh, we share, we help each other. Those beautiful moment are too many that I just can remember fragment. When we walk pass the Timpohon gate, feels like we just came back from hellish. Suddenly she say she miss it back there. I wonder. 

Lucky for us after finish climb, we found a ride to the city central. We enjoy the remaining moment we had in the park and continue travel the next destination. 2 hours ride can be very tire, she slept on the road, her soft little head lie on my shoulder, and I lie on her head. 

We reach city about 4.30pm. Driver drop us at wrong place, so we need take taxi to the place we stay the night. This time she shower first, so I saw the bed was so mess up, I put her stuff in order to let her easier pack and I try to clean up and keep my mind clear for planning. 

We staving and find for food. I never thought about the place will be so far away from the city. She mad at me because I found a place with hard to find food. I want to argue but it won't help. So, I decide go the nearest restaurant eat up some. Both of us was so mad to each other. I can't make decision when in emotional situation. We stop by MAMAK stalk, order drinks. She just say one sentences while I'm waiting my MAGGI goreng plus teluk mata.

"You came far away just for eat MAMAK?!" 

That moment I realize how wrong I am. 

This is so wrong. While waiting food come, I search on internet and try to find some clue of seafood. The food and drink haven't finish, I paid and leave. We walk down the road, I hope maybe have a chance to get a taxi. I swear, for a second, I afraid she won't follow me and walk back straight to the hotel. End up, we found a taxi and ask for places to eat cheap seafood and he bring us to the place that he recommend.

I'm so sorry that I let her almost fade out because for starve. 

The next is just lovely couple eating feast of seafood.

Till the night, we pack and ready to sleep. There is an hour, I leave the room, I guess she never know where I had been. 

The Day 4

The return day. 

Rough night for me, but I still need to hang on until the end. 

I woke her up and wash up. Time is rushing. I having a headache that morning. Maybe the rough night I can't sleep well. I'm really tired. I can sleep anywhere. I can't talk with consciousness to her. I hug her backpack and slept on it. She walk everywhere in the airport that I too tired to follow. Just an eyes sight to her, then slowly I fell asleep. 

The next thing I know is we flying at the middle of the sky. 

The middle thing I know is she hungry, but I'm not. She ate and fall asleep. 

The last thing I know is flight almost landing and I eat the chicken rice that she left some. 

Still, I love the sight of her back. She always knew I would catch up her sooner or later, so she keep going on herself. I'll follow where she go, like a shadow. 

The last walk until the terminal,I can't walk in with her. We say goodbye.
I know, there something changed between us. I don't know, just a feelings that would never come back.

Rest well.

La Fin

Perk of Being Wallflower.

The woman I loved, she doesn't love me like I loved her.
The woman I loved, she never remember my birthday like I remembered hers.
The woman I loved, she never notice what I did for her.
The woman I loved, she flirt with someone else while I waiting her reply.
The woman I loved, she doesn't love me, but I protected her, and betray my friends.
The woman I loved, she let off all the anger to me and I always stay cool.
The woman I loved, she doesn't did a single thing to me, but I love her anyway.
The woman I loved, she ask for help, and I never know how to reject.
The woman I loved, she cry for desperate, I might be the last one she ever know to find.
The woman I loved, she know a lot, experience a lot, so better than me.
The woman I loved, she always afraid to make choice, even choosing a relationship.
The woman I loved, she is complicated, and I'm too simple for her.
The woman I loved, she love those always can accompany her, but I'm not.
The woman I loved, she love those people who can create a lot of memory with her, but I'm not.
The woman I loved, she always compliment people who treat her good.
The woman I loved, she always can find someone else until no one but me.
The woman I loved, she took my heart, no intention crush into pieces, but already shattered.
The woman I loved, she never know in middle of the night, I cried alone and fell asleep.
The woman I loved, she thinks I'm not gentle, but I'm trying my best.
The woman I loved, she don't accept my gentle offer, but I try my best anyway.
The woman I loved, she point out a lot of stupidness of me, but I love her anyway.
The woman I loved, she will never love me, in romantic way.
Neither God nor attraction law will help, it just because some bond meant to be "Just Friend", "Friend Till Die", "Best Friend Froever", "Friendzone".
That relationship grey zone, you never know what happen next.

Hide

As I look at her, her eyes and tone are meant what she said.

Past few weeks ago, we talk about like a lot. Things are more simple then I ever imagine about. When she talks, I knew every words she said is truth, at least that moment she can't lies about feelings. I tried to stand by her side of view, tried not to be judgemental or a jerk. I stare at her as she talking all about the mess she been through, it was... well I just can't say a thing, not a single, because I'm not her, all those decision she make had already made, so what I do is keep my opinion inside for myself and give her a smile. And my ears are all hers. 

I doing good recently, build up my body so that can carry a person while climbing a mountain. But those fat are not going to lose me if I not control eat and burn it. About she, I hope she also well prepare, if not I going to carry her up to the mountain and non-negotiable for her. I'm carrying her up! 

All those story she told, some I can respond, some I wanted to, but instead of telling her, I rather keep it to myself, because I know she won't listen. Stubborn head! 

What I can do is a simple smile, for her. The last thing before I left, or we end our little meet up, I really need her to remember my smile. Just my smile. 

As I told her those birthday card I made and those hundred stars I fold for her. She said I never gift her before. Neither last year or previous years. Last hangout I told her I did, but she never received my gift before. Her voice are so sure about that. So, she ask when? I just smile away. 

Yeah. I did once for her. And she broke my heart. 

For the card and stars I made

Please hide away from her, so that she'll never find out.

Paper Girl

I wonder.

I wonder how it will going be.

I wonder what your mind thinking?

You just like Margo Roth Spiegelman.

When I think about you, I always think the back of your head.

I picture cracking your lovely skull, unspooling your brain, trying to get answers.

You may say all those movie I watched or the book I read,

I might in too deep about the character and make compare with you.

Truth is, there are some element inside of you that I can make imagine. 

If not, why all those movie entitle "This is based a true story" then will be a good movie? 

I think because all those real life experience, so I will make compare and imagine always.

So, Margo is a special one, until now who I can think of in my real life Margo, is you.

Why you? 

1. She always think sometimes people are fake, she said those are paper people.

2. She is a good planner and a dare devil.

3. She want to disappear and not to be found, start real fresh. 

You could say:"That not even like me."

But this is how I imagine what you like.

I can imagine what you look like, but never quite perfectly.

Because people are people, you can't force them to do or look what you want them look like.

我還是我

首先，每當我上部落格寫東西前，我都會逐個去閱讀我有跟隨的人。由於本人最近太多戲看而且有新書，加上也沒什麼感情或事蹟可以寫。基本上，部落格漸漸被遺忘了。而且我總是喜歡深夜的時候才寫東西，比較有感覺。

首先，先回复我讀了一個人的部落格，來一個很簡單的總結。三八。沒有別的意思，就覺得，很三八。別把我的三八的意思看成貶義，可能正正相反。

最近發現，我也很愛一次過，用一口氣講完我想講的東西，同時也很愛諷刺別人，雖然是沒有心。觀察與思考是我的最愛，哪怕我的思考會遲鈍些。

讓我想想我還有什麼缺點？

很煩人算是不是缺點？某些時候我真的覺得我自己很煩，聆聽太多人的故事，做一個聆聽者太久了，可是卻找不到一個聆聽者，挺傷心的。所以可能在談話中，我說了很多很奇怪的話，或者是無端端跳話題。可能我的腦袋不像別人那樣，我總是喜歡跳話題，跳着說話題比較有趣還有挑戰。怪卡一個。

對事情期望太高，我覺得期望高不是問題，問題是期望高到不會變通才是問題。同時我很驕傲去看待一件自己覺得很不起眼，別人卻很緊張的事情，簡稱，興趣，不屑。明明就很簡單的解決，問題是什麼大家都很清楚，但就是害怕一些很不相關的問題。告訴你，你先把當下的問題解決，未來問題再一一的想辦法，我們只有這個時刻，下個時刻發生的事留給下個時刻。對於感情事，理智去分析別人的問題，給了解決方式。最討厭的是：對方卻退縮，告訴你害怕去實行，顧慮許多。啊啊啊啊啊啊！想到這裡，我快發瘋了！因為我不只是為一個人提供“咨訊顧問”。

好心忠告：若你打算一刀兩斷，那幹嘛還顧慮那麼多？廢話一堆！

大家都說，長痛不如短痛？其實我覺得錯了，其實沒有短痛，只有長痛。

好，我自認我有點混蛋。是真的，可能覺得我怎麼罵也罵不走的人，才是對我真，最了解我的人，同時也是我最愛的人。

在還沒結束之前，謝謝你帶回來的巧克力，還有一個讓我很吃驚的禮物，高粱酒，還是特級版。真的沒想到你會送我那麼特別的禮物。